This week in hair (Or something)

Thursday the 1st

Started off the BFRB-week with not having to go into work. Awesome.

I can do work like this: On the couch, in my pajamas, with a sheet mask on.

What’s your super power?

Hair: Messy braid

Friday the 2nd

I have to go to a meeting in Denmark.

Funny cloud formation outside Malmö.
(Kelvin-Helmholtz cloud formation)

I grab a pumpkin spice latte in Copenhagen central station. Never had one before. Didn’t hate it, but didn’t really like it either. I don’t understand why these things are so amazingly popular.

Meh.

Boring meeting. I go to my parents after the meeting for the weekend.

Hair: Figure 8 held with one of my new Elk&irons.

Saturday the 3rd

It’s funny: When I’m home with Hubby, I enjoy the “city life”. But as soon as I’m at my parents, I thoroughly enjoy the “country life”. I love having dirt under my nails, picking wild berries as I go and interacting with all the animals.

We go to check in on the pheasants: They’re semi-wild and getting wilder by the day. They’re set out in a safe enclosure with access to food and water, and can wander out into the forest when they feel like it. They have two white roosters protecting them as well. They’re the perfect amount of protecting and motherly, yet fiercely protecting of “their” chickens.

The roosters eyeballing me.

My parents and some of their friends have Galloway-cattle out on unused land. It’s an old race of cows (Like 400 BC-ish) that are friendly, but tough and require very little human help to function in the wild. Despite their small size, they’re getting really popular here because they can take care of themselves and are so great at keeping an area from becoming a total wilderness.

Dad and I.

So cute and fluffy!

Lots of frogs everywhere. A sign of a healthy eco system.

Tiny little baby salamander. It’s amazing how this tiny little guy has two perfect lungs, a perfect little heart, a perfect little liver, two kidneys… Everything I do too.

Hair: Braided Nautilus bun held with a soaring butterfly Flexi.

Sunday the 4th

My parents had a big anniversary party a while back and we look through all the pictures and video. To my huge disappointment, I can’t find a single good picture of me all dressed up.

For the first time in my life I had found a dress I wanted to have, not a dress I had to go buy because I had an upcoming event. And yet, no good picture of it.

We had one person who was supposed to be the dedicated photographer, but yet, even when my brother and I did our (Hilarious!) skit, she apparently couldn’t remember to take any pictures. She even announced she wanted to take lots of pictures, so my parents decided against hiring a photographer! Disappointing.

Meeting her again was actually hugely disappointing. I used to idolize her, but now she just seemed confused, dependent on others to the point of being irritating and, well, stupid. She said some things that left me completely baffled too.

Sigh.

Not sure if it’s one of those “You can’t go back” things, or that her mind is starting to give. Weird.

Anyways. Long story short, no good picture of me in a dress and makeup and fancy hair.

The outfit test I did months ago to see if it worked.

Dress: Hunkydory

Tights: Spanx

Shoes: Helly Hansen

Also I had some purple extensions in my hair that matched the shoes. 

I looked good!

Hair: Same braid as yesterday, now in an even messier Nautilus bun in the same Flexi.

Monday the 5th

Go from my parents to another meeting in Denmark. Then head back to Sweden.

As usual when I’ve been in Denmark, I bring home steak and beer. I just can’t find the quality of meat I want in Sweden. At least not what I am willing to pay for!

Dinner. Yum. My favourite wheat beer. Double yum!

Hair: Cinnamon bun variation with a Ron Quattro fork.

Tuesday the 6th

Another long visit to the dentist today. Poor Hubby broke off a big piece of tooth a while back and it required a lot of visits to fix. 

Poor hubby!

I’m terrified of the dentist and I think I’m more freaked out than him though.

I swear, everything is made to freak you out there.

Like, what the hell is this creepy thing? Is it supposed to be cute? Funny? Some sort of icon/logo thing? 

Creepy is what it is.

Hair: Figure 8 held with one of my new Elk&irons.

Wednesday the 7th

Hubby and I go to Öob. They have an amazing price for V05. Now I have 4 liter of it. 

Awesome!

I make another adjustment to Snickers cupcakes and I’m finally pleased with them.

Yum!

Hair: Braided Nautilus bun held with a Ron Qauttro fork.

BFRB week: Comments and replies

Thank you so much, dear Lady Igor, for dedicating yourself in bringing your own knowledge and personnal experience about this. For years I've wondered about this condition. My brother used to very severely pluck at his nails and cuticles -for 20 years- and yet what we got from the family doctor was just about "bad habit" and nothing more in depth. I think this issue is dealt with much neglect by common people, not to say shallowness and mockery -how fun it is to laugh at someone's gnawed and bruised fingers, instead of trying to understand there might be some suffering behind this! (irony here). Later, I read some interesting articles about it, but you might belong to the very few people who really give a scientific and well-documented look at it. So, once more, you have all my sympathy and I can but encourage you with the Dermotillomania articles. Cheers!  

Charlaine

So sorry to hear your brother is struggling with this too!
It weirds me out how most people have heard of trichotillomania and understands that it's not "just a bad habit", but dermotillomania, which is far more wide spread is basically unknown.
I'll never forget the day I learned that dermotillomania was an actual thing. It felt like something healed inside me! The lack of understanding or tolerance from other people was almost worse than the damage I did myself. At least now I know what I'm going through and why, and I can explain it to others too. Hopefully some day there will be more recognition of this disorder. It needs to start with people being accepting and understanding, like you are.
Would you be interested in reading about what works for me? No guarantee it works for your brother or any other readers at all, but why not? We should all share our experiences.

Excellent post, thanks for your efforts here. Some great insight.  

indi500fan

Glad to hear you found it insightful :)

I am so sorry you had to deal with horrible people commenting on your skin and thus, created this. I wish people would understand that, especially when it comes to the appearance, any negative comment can and will really, really affect someone's confidence. I had acne, but nothing I deemed too terrible. My parents treated it like it was a horrible crime to have the odd pimple. Then, when I began riding, well, dirt plus very oily skin meant acne on my back, arms , face and chest. nothing like what I've seen, but sadly, people just have this ingrained sense that a pimple is just a crime. I found decent products to keep my oily skin (and scalp) at bay, but never understand the fuss. I had other issues going on. I have a few friends who suffer from this---some are mild, one friend was severe to the point of very unhealthy harm. I do pick, but I don't pick to the point of what defines dermotillomania. Thank you for sharing your story and I still cannot believe you feel you have bad skin 

Darkhorse

Sorry to hear you had so much trouble with your skin as well! People can be so rude and awful, especially when they hide behind "for your own good" or whatever. So true that people can treat it like a horrible crime!
What have you found works for your oily skin?
It's completely crazy how many people turns out to have dermotillomania (Especially without knowing). And yet, barely any people know anything about this. 

Thank you for this post. I used to pick my scalp a lot as a teenager, I was always running my fingers around on my head, searching for a tiny scab or bump I could scratch. I had acne as well, so my face got pretty much the same treatment. I always felt that an open, bleeding sore was better than a bump. I manage to leave my scalp alone for the most part these days, but I find it pretty difficult to not pick on the few pimples I get on my face. If I'm nervous or stressed out, I automatically start rubbing my fingers around my hairline, looking for something to scratch and pick on.  

KittyBird

Stress-picking... Typical dermotillomania-behavior :(
I once read an explanation that there is something in the non-blood fluid that seeps out of a wound, that is a local anesthetic or something like that. I honestly cannot remember the name of it and I'm not sure where to look for it (Can anyone help me here?). So when you pick, you are self-medicating a painkilling boost. The explanation made a lot of sense to me. It made me understand why I stress-pick, but also why I can pick when I'm relaxed and happy.
I think it was the same writer who described dermotillomania as self-harming behavior with a touch of OCD. That also made a lot of sense to me. I haven't met someone who picks on "perfect" skin. It needs to have something to get the picking started: A bump, a scratch, an ingrown hair or a zit.

BFRB Awareness Week

And now ends the BFRB awareness week.

Thank you for sticking with me through this.

BFRB Awareness Week

BFRB Awareness Week: Links and recouces

Resources
Skinpick (Also has a test)
Skinpicking support
The Canadian BFRB
The Trichotillomania Learning Center

A couple of bloggers
Before I ruin myself
Dermagirl
Diary of a skinpicker
Kicking my dermatillomania
Reality just hit

BFRB Awareness Week: My story

My dermotillomania is linked to my sensitive skin history.

Growing up, I was always the one with the "bad" skin. I tried everything I knew of to fix my skin: Every quick-fix, every advertised product, every advice from people with polar opposite skin types from mine. Nothing helped. Of course that doesn't surprise me now, but growing up skin products came in"normal", "combination" and "problem skin".

The skincare market has changed for the better since then.
Thank a deity of your choice for that.

Since I had problems with my skin, I assumed I had problem skin. As in: Acne and breakouts. So I spent decades trying to dry my skin into submission.

Of course that only aggravated the problem.

Pretty early in the clusterfuck that is the history of my skincare, I remember having the disordered thought that an open wound was better than the breakouts I got (From the harsh products I tortured my skin with), so I rationalized abusing my skin.
I can't remember which came first: The picking or the failed attempts of fixing my skin.

But pick, I did.
Every little imperfection I could find.
And people gave me hell for my "stupid habit".
Which of course only made me more anxious.
Because you can't just will yourself to stop picking.
It got a lot worse around the time where my mother decided that my nail biting was irritating to her and needed to be stopped. So I went from one anxiety outlet to the other.

Which is why it was such a relief to discover that dermotillomania is a thing. It explained so much. It explained the anxiousness of needing to pick and why I couldn't just will myself to stop.

I used to pick at everything, but now it's limited to just my shins.
Learning to care for my sensitive skin has helped so much. Learning to use the right tools and methods, and understanding that there is no "magical product" made a world of difference.
Somehow the Korean skincare routine somehow satisfies my urge to mess with my skin.

I learned a lot from being "the one with the bad skin". An understanding of how shallow and horrible people can be. How insensitive. How rude. How ridiculously misinformed people can be and still be completely stuck up and believing they are experts.

And how it feels to not be at home in your own skin.

You learn to let the small things go and only sweat the big things. And you learn to be a more tolerant person. One that doesn't need to comment on people's appearance.

And you learn how it makes you breathe a sigh of relief when you learn you don't "just have a bad habit".
Which is why I share this.

Maybe some of your out there recognizes yourself in what I post this week.
If that happens: You are not alone.