Hairgrish

I hereby declare that “hairgrish” is a new word

The word is derived from “Engrish”. Urban dictionary explains:
“A form of English characterized by bad translation from Japanese by someone who is decent at translating vocabulary but has a poor grasp of English grammar. Tends to be a word-by-word literal translation with humorous results for native English speakers. Engrish is most common in old video games and anime subtitles.”

I hereby declare “Hairgrish” defined as:
A form of product description characterized by bad translation from what the consumers wish for their products by someone who is decent at translating the results from the laboratory into what the products can do but has a poor grasp of the basic function and properties of hair. Tends to be a word-by-buzz-word bragging about the product with humorous results for the people who have knowledge about hair. Hairgrish is most common in advertisements and on the label before ingredient lists

(Ah, I crack myself up)