I’ve been debating whether I should be putting this in writing and on my blog or not. On one hand, I feel exposed and that it’s deeply personal. On the other hand, it’s a part of my life (And of concern to the topic of my blog: My hair) and I have a strong dislike against those blogs where women go on about how they “Eat anything they want to!” and posts pictures of their food, lots of snacks and candy and still weigh less than my favourite boots.
I don’t want to promote such a fake view of reality.
The reality is that I weigh
The reality is that I have a very narrow window where I like my body: 54-
Below that and I have bones poking out and look unhealthy.
Above that and my fat starts piling up between my hips and upper thighs and I absolutely hate my body.
So yes, I hate my body. I have gained
10 kg in the less than two years I have known hubby. Talk about relationship-gut!
I have tried cutting out candy and snacks, but forbidding them makes them even more tempting! I love cooking, I love food and I love eating.
So, without controlling my diet I eat more than I can burn. It doesn’t help that hubby and I want to snuggle up on the couch with movies and snacks.
And it doesn’t help that this is what I feel about going to the gym at the moment:
But whenever I try to go on a diet, all the “forbidden” food is tempting me.
Strangely when I fast (About once a year) I’m doing really well. Maybe it’s because I have systemised my day and organised what I can eat and when? So whenever I feel cranky or hungry, I know I have so-and-so long until the next allowed meal or drink.
Maybe that’s the way to go? Calculate a diet with the exact number of calories and what foods and when I can eat?
I will have to pay attention to how much protein I get on the diet then. About 3 years ago I went through a really, really stressful year and I lost a lot of hair without noticing. I must have lost a just few extra hairs each day since I didn’t notice it, but it all adds up. I can clearly see the regrowth today. It adds up to about the thickness of a finger, so it’s quite a lot!
Of course this makes me very paranoid of any diet changes. Protein shakes aren’t a lot of extra calories for a lot of protein if you just use low fat milk. I really should incorporate that in a diet to make sure.
I’m really tired of hating my body. I should get myself together to do something about it…
To be continued!