The DNA tests are here

And... This will be long.
But, I hope, also amusing.
At least I had a lot of fun with it...
(Please note the ominous emphasis on the "I" here)

I made a post about what I expected as results.

Quick recap
I expected very little in the diseases category because my family tends to live to a very old age. Maybe something with skin cancer at most, but that is probably more to do with us usually being really, really pale people. So far the worst thing I have seen in my family in that regards, is my aunt who has a brain tumor coming back for the third time, but this time it's inoperable. It sucks.

Ancestry-wise I expected a lot of Danish. I expected about 12% German. And I was curious to get cleared up if I had French or Spanish ancestor(s). My grandfather did some research and thought we would have either a French mercenary or a Spanish sailor in his line. Which would explain why once in a while we see someone a lot darker in my family, like my grandfather who was so dark he was always mistaken for a local when they were on vacation in southern Europe.

Mr. Igor expected half Swedish and some German. And we expected 25% of "Surprise!!" since his grandmother was adopted into Sweden from Germany following WWII and there is no information as of where she could come from.
And we were both a little worried about what health baggage Mr. Igor might be carrying since his family seems to live about 20 years shorter than mine (!).

So, my result came in first.

The first page looks like this.

 

Ancestry

Now, there is so much WTF going on, I'll just start from one end.

• Only 49,3% Scandinavian? This was a surprise. And both Denmark and Sweden?? (Well, there goes one the jokes Mr Igor and have between us: Whenever we annoy each other, we usually end up with "No wonder our people fought the most years of war of any other nations on the planet")
• British and Irish?? Where the actual fuck did this come from? Seriously.
• French and German 14,6%. Yea, ok. A little more than I expected, but about in the ballpark. No surprise there.
• Eastern European 0,5%. Uh. Okay. My initial thought was that this was some rounding error or something.
• Ashkenazi Jewish 0,3%. Wat?
• Broadly Northwestern European 19,7%. This one gets even more confusing when I looked in the details.
• Broadly European 0,4%. What does this one even mean? Rounding error?

Detailed ancestry

Funnily, the marked areas are exactly next to areas I know I have family ties to? Like, right across the border from the marked areas.

*Sound of Igor scratching her head and sighing*
...Svenskjävlar....

The British and Irish-mystery made me really confused. My mom pointed out that the Danish history is so interwoven with England, that it would only make sense. Which is true, I guess? I had just never really thought my ancestry in that direction.

French and German only had a match for Germany. Alright, that also makes sense. This is here where Mr Igor and I 'sperged out about historical borders and actual populations, but that's a whole other discussion.
These are the wrong regions for Caroline though(Hah, wouldn't that be something?)
I'm surprised that it doesn't show any tracers up north where I have family? Maybe the last name Langholz doesn't come from the city Langholz and it's just a freak coincidence that they ended up there?

Under Eastern European, 23andme write that they haven't identified more specific locations than that. Like, yea, I see that, thanks? So since the Saxony-area borders to Czechia, maybe this is where that bit of Eastern European comes from?

The Ashkenazi Jew-thing confused everybody I told about it. Wikipedia informed me that they were "settlers who established communities along the Rhine River in Western Germany and in Northern France dating to the Middle Ages". So that adds up to the general geographic for the rest, and the small percentage to that it was a long time ago. Unexpected, but cool!

The two "broadly", which adds up to 20,1% of my DNA is just too broad! It honestly pissed me off that they couldn't be more specific. Especially when it covers areas that they have found specific trackers to. So does that exclude the specified countries? Or exclude them?
23andme writes that Northwestern Europe covers "as far west as Ireland, as far north as Norway, as far east as Finland, and as far south as France", so I guess that excludes Spain and answers the question of if I have French or Spanish ancestry. In the most vague possible way.

Ancestry timeline

Well, that busts moms theory of the general Anglo-Saxon genetics. Mr. Igor suggested "The mailman or whatever the equivalent was at the time". Gee thanks, Mr. Igor. Love ya.
Also: Spoiler alert. Karma will come back to bite Mr. Igor in the ass for this. Stay tuned.

I don't like the imprecise timespans though:
120 year span for the Eastern European ancestor? Mmmmkay.
90 year span for the Ashkenazi Jewish ancestor? Meh.

Neanderthal ancestry

246 Neanderthal variants.
Mr. Igor had an absolute field day with this. Mr. Igor is a jerkface.
Mr. Igor then made a bet that he would have less.
Spoiler alert. Karma will come back to bite Mr. Igor in the ass for this.

Health overview

The health report had very little to say. A few slightly increased risks, mostly due to one variant out of X needed for the health conditions.
Alzheimer is one of those things that truly scare me, so I was very happy to see my "slight increased risk" came from carrying one copy out of the four variants they tested. Phew.

Funny detail: The variant I carry of the Tay-Sachs disease came from my distant Jewish ancestor!

Carrier status

Lot's of "variant not detected". Things like cystic fibrosis and Parkinson's really scare me, so I was happy to see that one not detected.
Also, the list of carriers they test for is seriously long, so I only screenshoted the top.
I think they could have slipped some "Greyscale" in there and no one would have noticed. Hah.
Mr. Igor then ruined my happiness with proclaiming "So if you get it, it's due to your own bad habits and decisions from now on?". Thanks, Mr. Igor. I want a divorce. (And karma will still bite Mr Igor in the ass)

Wellness

This was amusingly spot on.

• Alcohol Flush Reaction: Unlikely to flush

Yep. My mother has this really bad though. So, thanks dad!

• Caffeine Consumption: Likely to consume more

Get between me and my morning coffee and you die.

• Deep Sleep: Less likely to be a deep sleeper

Ugh. Yes. Seriously, if genetic therapy ever became allowed for silly little traits, I would happily pay to nuke the shit out of this little row of cytosines that keeps me from sleeping soundly.

• Genetic Weight: Predisposed to weigh about average

Hm, so I have 383 variants associated with lower weight and 349 associated with higher weight. And average weight for my 5´8" and European descent is 167 lbs according to 23andme, which makes me about 35 lbs lighter. Ehhh, whatever.

• Lactose Intolerance: Likely tolerant

Yep. Not a fan of cows milk though. I prefer goat. And cheese. Any cheese.

• Muscle Composition: Common in elite power athletes

Mr Igor was (Insultingly!) amused by this (And karma will still bite Mr Igor in the ass), but I was very active when I was younger and even now, it takes me very little training to build strength and stamina.

• Saturated Fat and Weight: Likely similar weight

This was something about how people with the same genetic results tend to weigh the same no matter their diet types as long as they consume the same number of total calories. Which makes me feel slightly confused, but hey, I'm not a nutritionist. Also, I didn't really care enough to try to understand it deeper.

• Sleep Movement: Likely more than average movement

I asked Mr Igor about this, and he was being annoying instead of answering. So I threatened to call a few exes. Mr Igor said he didn't notice that I move more than average. But Mr Igor wants everyone to know that I snore when I´m very tired (Karma will bite Mr Igor in the ass for this)

Traits
Okay. 27 things you either did know or didn't know about me...

• Ability to Match Musical Pitch: More likely to be able to match a musical pitch

Yep. And this is something that comes as a surprise, even to people who know me very well. Mr. Igor didn't know, and we have been together for 9 years now.
I have sung in choir for many years, played flute for many years and played piano for many years.
But why don't people know this?
Simple: I fucking hated it and I have refused to even touch an instrument the second I was released form the sour duty of practicing.
Some years back I actually asked my parents why I was forced to go to all this musical stuff that I absolutely hated, and my mother told a story of how I had seen some flute player on TV and had wanted to learn. The funny thing is, I actually vaguely remember that, so she was probably very cool.
But, this is around the time where I distinctly remember continuously bugging my dad to turn my room into a sort of semi-aquarium. I figured we could just lay down glass on the floor and up to around knee height, so I could have a bunch of lobsters living in there with me. "But we can just put my furniture on stilts. Stilts!" I argued. Why did I want this? Because I had seen some really cool lobsters in a book about fish and they were the coolest lobsters I had ever seen. So cool.
So, the moral of the story is: Either I was an absolute mastermind of surrealism at a young age, or a child's declaration of something being "The coolest thing ever!!1!" is something you should take with a grain of salt.

• Asparagus Odor Detection: Likely can smell

Yep. And it's nasty.

• Bitter Taste: Likely can taste

Yep.

• Cheek Dimples: Likely no dimples

Nope, no dimples anywhere.

• Cilantro Taste Aversion: Slightly higher odds of disliking cilantro

Hmm, no, I actually don't mind.

• Cleft Chin: Likely no cleft chin

Nope, no cleft chin.

• Earlobe Type: Likely detached earlobes

Yep.

• Earwax Type: Likely wet earwax

This is actually quite funny. Up until I dated the Filipino-American ex, I didn't know there are different earwax types! (Usually I "name" people according to their jobs, but since almost all my exes have been IT engineers, he will just be named as Filipino-American ex. Also, it's kind of relevant) He told me that there were different earwax types: Dry or wet, and that the dry type was common in Asia. It was one of those "Never ever thought of this"-moments.

• Eye Color: Likely blue or green eyes

Yep.

• Fear of Heights: Less likely than average to be afraid of heights

I never really thought about it, so I guess this one is spot on? Although I did refuse to set foot on Cabo Girão when we were on Madeira two years ago. But that was a 580 meter drop though a glass floor, so this was probably a normal reaction.

• Finger Length Ratio: Likely ring finger longer

Quite a lot actually.

• Freckles: Likely little freckling

I have some, but my issue with them is more the formation they come in. When my freckles really come in during the summer, they form only underneath this invisible line over the bridge of my nose and under my eyes. So it looks like I've been wearing glasses and got sprayed in the face with mud, and took the glasses off. Not cute. It looks like my face is dirty.

• Hair Photobleaching: More likely to experience hair photobleaching

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
And what? No. I'm totally not obsessive about it.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Nope, not at all obsessed with the photobleaching!

• Hair Texture: Likely straight or wavy

Yep, a 1B according to Fia's hairtyping system.

• Hair Thickness: Less likely to have thick hair

...

I would honestly like to see how thick people with "thick" hair have then!
23andme writes: "One genetic marker seems to play a big role in determining the thickness of your hair strands. This genetic marker is in a gene called EDAR that is important for hair follicle development. Your genetic variants at this marker are associated with lower chances of having thick hair strands."
Mmmmkay....?

• Light or Dark Hair: Likely light

Yep.

• Misophonia: Average odds of hating chewing sounds

People chewing has been known to irritate me or gross me out, but not more than most people I think.

• Mosquito Bite Frequency: Likely bitten more often than others

Yes. (Sad face)

• Newborn Hair: Likely little baby hair

I asked my parents and they said I was born with a full head of hair. They also said that everyone told them it would fall out, but it never did. So I guess this is wrong?

• Photic Sneeze Reflex: Likely no photic sneeze reflex

Can't say I ever noticed this, so I guess that's right?

• Red Hair: Likely no red hair

Aw, booh. I'm actually disappointed in this. I had hoped pheomelanin had showed up. I really like that vague copper tone my hair has, so this was genuinely a disappointment to me.

• Skin Pigmentation: Likely lighter skin

Yep.

• Sweet vs. Salty: Likely prefers sweet

Hmm, I actually prefer salty, savory foods to sweet.

• Toe Length Ratio: Likely big toe longer

Yep.

• Unibrow: Likely at least a little unibrow

....

Yes.
And I'm considering lasering off a whole lot of body hair. Including that damn thing.

• Wake-Up Time: Likely to wake up around 8:21 am

Huh. This is surprisingly accurate!

• Widow's Peak: Likely no widow's peak

Nope, no widows peak for me.

And now.... For karma biting Mr Igor in the ass!

Mr Igor's results came in two weeks after mine. Which was annoying, but I guess he ended up in the back of the line or something.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been two weeks of Mr Igor being "funny" with comments like "You're my cute little Anglo-Saxon" (I guess that one is pretty accurate actually), "What if we're siblings?", "I might be more Danish than you!", "You're my cute little Jewess" and "Who would have known I found a fellow Swede?".
Mr Igor is so not funny.

The first thing he checked was the Neanderthal variants since we had a bet going on.

And...

Mr Igor had 30 more variants than me.

I gloated. A lot. It was glorious.

I have no shame.

But the surprise came at Mr Igor's ancestry overview.

Mr Igor had the amount of German we expected: 15 %, so a little more than me. Some Dutch, which was unexpected, but might be more about the current and past borders. A lot of that "Broadly Northwestern European" that had annoyed me so much with mine.

But then.... Only 38 % Swedish.

And finally.

20 % Polish.

Polish? 20%?

This was not in the direction we or his parents had speculated. 23andme was super specific about this, and pointed his ancestry directly to the Krakow-area and nowhere else.

The 20% number also raised more questions: If it had been at 25%, we would have assumed this was from his grandmother. But 20 % is too little to be from a grandparent and too much to be from a single great-grandparent. So that means there must be some mixed ancestry in there somewhere.

It got even funnier when he called up his parents, and they were completely and utterly confused too. None of them know of any Polish family. They basically began pointing fingers at each other!

Now both of his parents are thinking of taking this test too. And I have to say I'm pretty interested in the result myself. Because either one of them is about 40% Polish, which is quite a lot in the historical mix of Europe, or they're both a significant amount of Polish, which would be pretty unlikely. 

As an ending note, my amusement over this doesn't have anything to do with that it's specifically Poland. But solely the fact that Mr Igor was an absolute pest over my own results and his own confusion over the 20% Polish and only 38 % Swedish is therefore hilarious.

Mr Igor, meet Karma, Karma, meet Mr Igor.

So... I need some good Polish jokes. Anyone?